So yesterday was Easter and, in the midst of all the stuff that goes on at church, I had an interesting conversation with a friend (Thanks, if you're reading!) and it got me thinking so much I just had to write about it.
Let me preface all this by saying that I have gone to church my whole life. And, with my dad being a pastor, I've been to quite a few different churches. But I guess they weren't the "right" kind of churches. Story time... my first year of college, I came home on Easter break and went to church on Easter Sunday. This was our first Easter at this new church and, being a college student, I felt like I hadn't been going there very long at all. When I walked in the door I was greeted by a lady who broadly smiled and exclaimed "He is Risen!" And all I could think to say was "Yep!" Suddenly, she wasn't smiling anymore. She said a little louder, and much less cheerfully, "He is Risen!" So I said, "Amen?" And then, with a furrow on her brow and actual anger in her voice, she scolded me, "He is Risen Indeed! You're supposed to say He is Risen Indeed!" And then she huffed and walked away. Like I said, I mustn't have been raised in the "right" kind of churches because at 19 years old that was the first time I had ever heard that expression.
Another fun story from later that same year... Andy and I had been dating for just a little while when he invited me to come to church with him. It was incredibly intimidating to go to a strange church without any of my family members, especially considering it was the church he had been attending his entire life. And every single lady there made sure I knew it. Anyway. At the time, there was a standard ritual of "passing the peace" at the beginning of the service. In all the churches I had ever attended before, there was a "greet your neighbor" time where you would stand and shake hands and say hi to the people around you. It was nice and friendly. So when I saw "passing of the peace" in the bulletin, I just thought 'huh, never heard it called that before.' So when it came time to pass the peace, I dutifully stood up and proceeded to smile and shake some hands. A person in front of us turned around and said to me, "Peace be with you!" To which I replied, "Thank you, it's nice to see you today!" This person wasn't mad, but was definitely confused. After 5 whole minutes of greeting people this way and wondering why they all seemed so put off by my small talk, the peace-passing was over and we sat down. That's when Andy finally told me that the proper response is "And also with you." This isn't a time of greeting, just a time of sharing another ritualistic exchange. I was absolutely raised in the "wrong" kind of churches. How else had this happened to me twice in the same year??
Fast forward several years to a few months after Ellie was born. We were sitting in church (the peace-passing church, oddly enough, although they have since eased off on that part of the service) and a gentleman and his two children came in late and found a seat several rows in front of us. It was time to stand and do the responsive reading and it was already obvious that they were not accustomed to participating in a worship service. When it came time for the first hymn, they grabbed the pew Bible instead of a hymnal and couldn't find the page until the song was nearly over. I felt awful. I so wanted to go up and help them, but being several rows back (and wrangling a fussy baby) I felt it would just make things more awkward. What really upset me though, was that there were people sitting right behind and beside this family that could have helped in a more discreet way, but they didn't. They looked, they stared, they shook their heads, but they did nothing to help. Something happened to my heart that day. I began to look at my church through the eyes of a visitor.
Like I said, I was raised in a handful of different churches and with traveling and conferences and working at camp I've had the opportunity to attend quite a few. I've been a visitor on more than one occasion. But I've never been an "un-churched" visitor. I've always been comfortable with reading a bulletin and following the service. I know how to find a hymn in the hymnal and how to pass the offering plate. But that day, it finally occurred to me that not everyone knows these things. And it can be terrifying for them to be in such an awkward and unknown environment. That man and his two children never came back to our church. And I feel absolutely terrible that I didn't do anything to help them feel more welcome and at ease. So since then, I have tried my best to make everyone, regardless of their history with (or without) the church to feel welcome and at ease.
How, you ask? Well first of all, I don't say "He is Risen Indeed." I know I'm supposed to. I just don't. And I don't say "And also with you." I wear jeans to church almost every week. Sometimes, I don't stand up when I'm "supposed to." I don't always do the responsive readings. I don't wear a choir gown (or sit in the choir loft the entire service) even though I sing with the choir every week. I've added an entire "Visitor Info" section to our church website to help people know what to expect when they come to our church. And I always, always try tell people that I'm happy to see them and that they can feel free to ask me about anything.
Yesterday, my friend from church approached me and said "He is Risen!" And I replied with "Hallelujah!" Luckily, she took it in stride and laughed about it. But I was glad to be able to have the conversation about why I responded the way that I did. Don't get me wrong - I know that people don't mean anything negative by their greetings. It's meant to be a nice thing. But for someone who has no idea how to respond, it can turn a friendly situation into a terribly awkward one. I guess I've just become the "thorn" in the church that refuses to conform to the church-y norm. It just scares me to think that there are some church traditions that we can hold so tightly to that we're willing to miss an opportunity to welcome someone else into the family. It is really worth it to force someone to say "He is Risen Indeed"? Isn't it just as good to shout "Amen" or "Hallelujah"? How would you react if the response you got was "Who is risen?" Would you miss that opportunity to share the gospel because of a desire to hear "He is Risen Indeed"? We have welcoming centers and gifts for visitors and entire teams of people in charge of greeting people and that's all well and good. But could it be that there is a deeper unwelcoming that is plaguing our churches? Next week, walk into your church with the eyes of a visitor. Or visit a new church (yours will survive without you for a week, I promise) and try to pretend that you've never been to one before. Go ahead and greet someone with "He is Risen" or "Peace be with you" if you want to. But do it with a willingness to go along with however they reply. Allow Christ to open your eyes and soften your heart and you'll be amazed at who He sends your way.
