Mean Mommy

So the other week, someone told me I was a "mean mommy," and I vented about it on facebook.  Here's what's been happening since then...

First of all, I'd like to say that it was wrong of me to call out the specific person who made the comment.  I specified the individual because I thought it was an important detail in the story - I thought it made more sense why it was so hurtful when it was clarified who made the comment as opposed to being a random stranger somewhere.  But I was wrong.  And I'm sorry.

Ok next, I feel like I need to explain why I posted that in the first place.  I wasn't trying to complain - I was trying to vent a frustration.  Someone said something that hit a nerve and hurt my feelings deeply.  And all I could do about it was to go to work.  All I wanted was for a hug and someone to reassure me that I'm NOT actually a mean mommy.  And I was mad.  I was mad that someone who should have been in my corner was not.  And I was scared.  I was scared that I was messing up at everything and my daughter was going to be ruined by it.  You know, all those normal mom emotions that you go through on a regular basis.  So I went onto facebook and just got my feelings out.  Some people may say that facebook isn't an appropriate place to do that, but I kind of tend to disagree.  

You see, social media is a tricky beast.  It's like the force - it can be used for evil or for good.  You see it all the time.  My pastor has even preached about the dangers of social media in the hands of young people who are not properly equipped to handle that kind of far-reaching power.  And yet.  There is such a tremendous potential for good.  You've seen it on a large scale with "Prayers for so-and-so" pages or pages to raise money and support for families who have lost everything in any number of different tragedies.  These are times when the world rises up in support - sometimes around total strangers - and at least for a little while, restores a little faith in humanity.  Now please don't get me wrong - I am NOT comparing myself to the people who desperately need prayers or financial support because of tragedies in their lives.  I'm just saying that they are evidence as to how the power of social media can be put to good use on a very large scale.

What I think I'm trying to say is that I wasn't trying to complain, I was looking for support.  The kind of support that comes from other people who have been in these shoes of a mother of a precocious toddler and felt the fear and frustration that go along with that.  My facebook friends list is filled (mostly) with people who I actually consider to be friends and entirely with people that I know in real life.  When I post something, you can be assured that it is definitely something that I would say out loud.  I'm not any different online than I am in real life.  Facebook is like a big, digital reunion.  If we ever all found ourselves in the same room together, I'd still talk about my daughter a lot, both the good things and the frustrating things.  I'd talk about the wonderful things that my husband has done for me recently and also some of the ways that he drives me bonkers.  I'd tell you about the interesting things that happen at work and the fun things that we're going to do at church and I'd share some funny pictures and videos and quotes to make you think.  Anyway, my point is, that when something happens to bother me, I turn to my friends.  Just like pretty much everyone does.  It just so happens that most of my friends live in my computer.

And you know what happened?  It worked.  I was sad and frustrated and went to my friends and they totally delivered.  They reassured me, they commiserated with me, they encouraged me, they joked with me.  They did everything that you would hope friend would do.  And for that, I thank you.  Your support really did help me get through that day and you brought a smile to my face when all I wanted to do was cry.

But there was one friend who pushed me a little farther and saw a little deeper into my negativity.  We talked on the phone later that week and I had another good cry.  And, while not 100% of what she said was accurate to how I was really feeling, she did make me think.  A lot.  About my heart and my attitude in general.  And how I've just been feeling so worn out and emotionally tired lately.  It was a good talk.  She knows who she is and I hope she knows how grateful I am for her friendship and care.

So I've been thinking about this and God decided to get involved too.  Yesterday before church, someone said something hurtful to me again.  They didn't mean to be hurtful, but their comment really stung and stuck with me the whole morning.  They even apologized when they realized my feelings were hurt, and I laughed it off, but the pain didn't go away.  A lot of people said some very nice things to me yesterday (I sang a solo during the choir number), but on the way home, all I could think about was that hurtful comment.  And then I read this quote on my twitter... 

"If God forgives us, then we should forgive ourselves.  Otherwise, it is almost like we 

have set up ourselves as a higher tribunal than Him." 

(@CSLewisDaily)

That really stuck out to me.  I don't know if I've thought about it like that before.  So I retweeted it and put it up on my white board at work.  And then today I kept thinking about it (after really wanting to go on facebook and vent about this latest hurtful comment) and realized that it goes deeper than just that.  God doesn't just forgive me, he also forgives the people who hurt me.  If someone said something hurtful to my child, I would be furious.  Is that how God feels when someone hurts my feelings?  I would imagine so.  And yet He forgives them.  So why shouldn't I?  Why keep holding onto those hurtful words when He's already let them go.  If He doesn't hold that grudge, then why do I think I have a right to?  There's such a freedom in that thought.  It's not going to be easy to put into practice, but I think realization is the first step.

And then Ellie and I got home and I put her down for her nap (not without a fight, which left me feeling weary again) and I got to work on the next book reviews for Zondervan.  I sat down and cracked open a new devotional by Ann Voskamp (don't worry, the review will be coming soon) and the devotion that the book fell open to said this...

"Unless we make it a habit to give thanks, we habitually give our family grief.  

Unless we consistently speak praise, we consistently speak poison.  

Unless we are intentional about giving God glory throughout the day, 

our days unintentionally give way to grumbling." 

(One Thousand Gifts Devotional, pg. 133)

Aaaaaand that one hit me like a ton of bricks.  That's the second part of the problem I've been having.  When you give it an inch, the poison of negativity will take a mile.  You cannot let it in.  No matter what.  

"People can tame all kinds of animals, birds, reptiles, and fish, but no one can tame the tongue.  It is restless and evil, full of deadly poison.  Sometimes it praises our Lord and Father, and sometimes it curses those who have been made in the image of God.  And so blessing and cursing come pouring out of the same mouth.  Surely, my brothers and sisters, this is not right!"

(James 3:7-10, NLT)

So that's challenge number two for me today.  Two in one day.  That's a lot.  Gee thanks, God.  

Anyway.  All that to say that these are things that I'm going to be working on.  And I'm telling you, because I still think of social media as a giant support system.  And I'm hoping you'll help me stick to it.  

REVIEW: Love Letters from God by Glenys Nellist, illustrated by Sophie Allsopp

Ok, so this is a few days late on my goal of one review per week leading up to Christmas, but I think you'll find it was worth the wait.  The next title I had the privilege to review is Love Letters from God, which was written by Glenys Nellist and illustrated by Sophie Allsopp.

This book is phenomenal.  I can't say enough good things about it.  It's definitely not intended for a very young audience.  It says right on the front that it's a "lift-the-flap" book, which my Ellie loves.  But these aren't the kinds of flaps where animals peek out from behind bushes.  This is definitely geared toward an audience of at least age 6 and up.  This book contains 18 Bibles stories (9 old testament and 9 new) told in a brand new way.  The stories are written in a story-book style, reading almost like a fairy tale.  So not terribly different than a story Bible.  And somewhere on each page spread is a little section labelled "God's Wonderful Words to You" that shows the actual scripture that corresponds with the story.  That's nice to help connect the story to the actual Bible for older kids.

But then there are the flaps.  Oh, the flaps.

You open each one and inside is a letter, written from the perspective of God, telling about how He relates this story to YOU.  Never as a child do I remember learning that the Bible was for ME.  It was a book full of stories (and extra boring stuff) that would teach me how to be a good Christian, but never once did I think about putting MYSELF into the story.  These "love letter" flaps do just that.  Each one has a line that can be personalized with the child's name and sheds a whole new perspective on each story.  That's one of the reasons that I put the age so high - because while kids as young as 4 might like this book, I think older kids are the ones who will actually get the most out of it.  I also love the titles of the individual stories - calling the Crucifixion "The Saddest Story" and the Resurrection "The Happy Ending" is just so poetic to me.

*Spoiler Alert* 

The very last page of the book is super special.  There's an invitation - and yes, it's that kind of an invitation.

But it feels so right for it to be there.  It makes so much sense in the context of the letters in the book.  And then there is a space for the child to write their own love letter to God.  It's just such a great way to bring the book to an end.  Because the Resurrection really isn't the ending, although it is quite happy.  There's more to do and really finishes up bringing the child INTO the story and makes it their own.

OH and I almost forgot to mention the amazing illustrations!  They are gorgeous!  Honestly, there are so many layers and textures and tiny interesting details - I could look at them all day.  

Ok, enough gushing.  Final verdict: I LOVE THIS BOOK.  I've been telling people at church that we seriously need to give one to every child that walks in our front doors.  Because it will change the way they think about the Bible.  And it just might do the same for their parents that read it with them.  That's how good it is.  You really can't even appreciate it unless you see it in person.  Seriously - get it for your elementary-aged child or grandchild for Christmas.  You will not regret it.

Disclaimer: Zondervan provided me with a free copy of this book for reviewing purposes, but all opinions are 100% mine.

REVIEW: Pirates on the Farm by Denette Fretz, illustrated by Gene Baretta

I have a PILE of amazing books from Zondervan that I am so excited to review because they're all awesome!  I'm going to try to do one a week in preparation for Christmas!  First up is Pirates on the Farm, by Denette Fretz and illustrated by Gene Baretta.

Let me start off by saying that this book is FANTASTIC.  Before I tell you why, let me make it clear that this book is WAY out of Ellie's age range.  There's a fair amount of text on each paper page.  Hopefully she will soon be able to be trusted with paper page books, but still not quite yet.  And she's still too little to 'get' the moral of the story.  I'd say ages 4 and up will appreciate this story.  I won't put a top age on that because even I liked it and I'm 27 and a half.

Now, what makes it so great?  Oh, just everything.  I love the premise of the book - a group of pirates decides to retire and move to the country, next door to a down-to-earth farm family.  The kids struggle with how to 'love their neighbor' when their neighbors are so odd.  The story is silly, without resorting to childish or inappropriate humor.  The illustrations are vibrant and beautiful, but perfectly reflect the story's silliness without looking like a child or amateur drew them.  And the author does a fantastic job of driving the biblical point home without beating you over the head with scripture.

Check out the illustrations and my two other favorite 'features' of this book...

The bottom left image is found at the beginning of the book.  A cast of characters.  Like the maps at the beginning of Lord of the Rings or Chronicles of Narnia, I love this addition because it really helps you connect with the story a lot faster.  The author doesn't have to take extra time explaining who is who in the pictures when there's a map right in the beginning!  It's also helpful for parents to be able to answer the inevitable toddler questions.

The bottom right image is found at the end of the book.  It's a letter from the author to the parents.  She tells about her inspiration for writing the book AND empathy for the parents on how to teach these tough subjects to your kids.  If nothing else, it just makes you feel good and it was incredibly thoughtful of the author to include.  This book was clearly written with both the children AND the parents in mind and that's part of what makes it so refreshing.  I think the right pastor (*cough*dad*cough*) could preach a sermon using this book and pull it off quite well.  Yes, it's that good.

Ok, final verdict: I love this book.  I can't wait to share it with Ellie when she's old enough to care.  Right now, she likes looking at the pictures, but I don't trust her with the pages, so we put it on the special shelf.  But I can't recommend this book more highly.  It's adorable and silly and teaches such a fantastic message that you cannot overemphasize - love your neighbor!

Disclaimer: Zondervan provided me with a free copy of this book for reviewing purposes.  All opinions are 100% mine.